Then and Now
by giacinta
Summary: Dean's thoughts as he keeps vigil over Sam's body in the panic room at the end of season six. He thinks back on the things that have happened and compares this tragic moment to another in his past


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Then and Now.

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Dean's heart ached at the sight of his little brother's still form stretched out on the uncomfortably narrow cot

at the centre of Bobby's panic room.

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The scene brought back unforgettable memories of that terrible day at Cold Oak when he had held his dying brother in his arms,

Sammy's mop-haired head flopping down like a rag-doll onto his shoulder.

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In that heart-rending moment, his distraught mind just couldn't accept that Sammy was dead, but even Dean Winchester, that most stubborn

and iron-willed of men couldn't perform miracles when in an explosion of anguish he came to realise that everything that had made Sam who he was,

no longer inhabited his beloved brother's body; but that his soul had been reaped and carried to some unknown destination,

some far dimension completely out of Dean's reach; to a place which he couldn't attack or storm, conquer or infiltrate.

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His little brother's essence had been torn from the lifeless body in his arms and all that remained for him was the contemplation of the rest of his lonely days

on Earth as the last Winchester standing.

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There was only one way to join Sam and that was to put a gun to his head and pull the trigger, but Dean had made a different choice,

choosing life for his brother over a quick death for himself, although now, with his eyes fixed on the body of his oversized little brother;

a brother looking so wan and lifeless, he wondered if he had indeed made the right choice back then.

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If had gone with his initial instinct, he would have avoided so much suffering to himself, to Sam and to others who had died through aiding

or just simply being in proximity to the Winchesters.

There would have been no Hell for himself, no breaking of the first seal, no vessels for an Apocalypse that would never come to pass

and most of all no one hundred and eighty years of torture in the Cage for his little brother.

When he had uttered the words "what's dead should stay dead" he would have been better taking his own advice..

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Moreover, if his life had ended along with that of Sammy's at Cold Oak, he would not have had to witness the abject treachery of a so called angel

who had so callously betrayed the friendship that Dean Winchester had willingly bestowed on him.

Castiel had thrown it back in his face with the cruel and completely unnecessary shattering of Sam's wall;

a wall put up by Death himself to give some semblance of a normal life to his unfortunate little brother.

Dean had never had a real friend outside of Sam who was best friend, brother and soul-mate, all rolled into one,

but he had cherished his rare affinity with Castiel

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He pulled his mind away from the two fold horror that was Cold Oak and the breaking of Sam's wall and turned his mind to the best way of bringing down

an enormously powerful angel who had now elevated himself to a God, filled with the pretension that what he had done was for the good of Heaven

and Earth, but whose behaviour in reality seemed no different to that of the many petty tyrants scattered throughout the history of Earth

who had used the words "for the greater good" as an excuse to seize power and wield it with an iron fist.

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Dean sighed.

His energies were at their lowest. He didn't want to leave Sam alone, and yet the part of him that was liege to duty prodded and poked him

into going after Castiel, in an impossible mission to try and stop an unstoppable god.

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He placed a gun and a note beside Sam's head so that if ever his brother awoke he would know where to find them.

He gave Sam's face one last gentle caress and dragged his unwilling feet towards the exit.

He and Bobby hadn't a hope in hell of defeating Castiel but maybe the long-absent God of the Heavens would make himself heard

and come and deliver his defenceless children, and Sammy, from this upstart wannabe-god.

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XXXX The enD XXXX


End file.
